June 8th, 2007
Taken from: “Tips & Tricks on How To Die Poor and Alone”
by Rahadian Noor ← beware of this guy.!
“The biggest problem in this universe is nobody helps each other.”
- Anakin Skywalker, Star Wars - Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
(Warning: If you proceed, things might get uncomfortable for you. You might want to NOT read this and proceed to more… CHEERY blog sites. Otherwise, dig in!)
Case 2038538: The People versus Rahadian Noor, a poor and lonely fucker.
“Mr. Noor, your defense?”
Your honor, dear ladies and gentlemen of the court…
What does it really mean, ‘TO HELP’? What does it take – inside our hearts – to help someone? Is it nobility? Is it passion? Is it willingness? Is it selflessness? Is there such a THING as being selfless?
Exhibit 1:
Honorable people of the court: In a conversation between two friends, not long ago, one of them revealed to the other that he needed a job. So the second guy decided to help him. He got the job for this first guy and immediately asked for a form of ‘thank you’. It was a simple, innocent request: a nice dinner. The second guy thought he didn’t want the first guy to owe him anything so this is the most innocent way to do it.
Greed? No. It’s called GETTING EVEN.
(At this point the whole courtroom was filled with murmurs, and people shift in their seats.)
Exhibit 2:
Your honor: A promotional manager called a production house and was asked to do a video profile for his company. The production team was summoned for a meeting with the manager’s boss to talk about money. Before the meeting the manager asked the team for a simple ‘fee’ because he got them the job, and they agreed. The price they proposed to the boss was a marked-up price. The project went smoothly, though without the ‘fee’, the production team wouldn’t have had the project to begin with. The manager would’ve made sure of that because… why would somebody help somebody for NOTHING, right? EVERYBODY does that anyway, so why not him?
Sneaky? No. NECESSITY.
“I OBJECT!!!” (Somebody shouted from behind, I think it was the bailiff.)
“OVERRULED!!!” (This is the judge. He seemed uncomfortable with this call, though)
Exhibit 3:
Distinguished members of the jury: In another situation, a woman noticed that her maid had been acting terribly down lately, but the maid didn’t say anything and continued to do her job. Her gloomy disposition soon affected her work and the woman got terribly disturbed. She was losing sleep at night because she kept thinking of ways to help her maid. Finally she asked what was going on and it turned out the maid’s son was in trouble in the city and needed an amount of money that she couldn’t provide. The woman thought, ‘Oh, why didn’t you just say so?” She was wealthy, so it wasn’t a big deal and she helped her maid. Afterwards things picked up and she could sleep well again.
Noble? No. SLEEPING PILLS.
“YOU’RE FRICKIN’ NUTS!!! (This is one of the jury, automatically breaking her court mandate and was taken away immediately. I knew her. In fact I was talking about her. She’s THE WOMAN.)
Oh, I’m sorry. Have I said something WRONG? Did I NOT understand about something? Are we NEVER like this? Did none of these EVER happened? You’re NOT one of these people? You’ve never BEEN one of these people? Were you REALLY ALWAYS helping people because they needed it? Were you really doing them simply because it’s RIGHT, and not because everyone TOLD you it’s right? Were you really aiming for a selfless good deed? Are you SURE that you’re being idiotically right?
(IDIOTICALLY RIGHT: Doing the right thing because it’s right and NOT because everybody tells you that it’s right. It should’ve been called ‘IDEOLOGICALLY RIGHT’ or even ‘RELIGIOUSLY RIGHT’, but I was forced to change it because so many people seemed to laugh at this concept, some of them laughed behind my back…)
You must think I’m naive, childish, insensible and stupid. And you must not like me very much right now. You must think I’m highly inconsiderate of your feelings, mostly because I didn’t hesitate to express something uncomfortably true right to your faces. We know it’s the truth but we ever-oh-so-often ignored it anyway, because we avoided being naive, childish, insensible and stupid like me. Oh no. I’m not naive. I’m just uncomfortably honest. Do you know what that is?
(UNCOMFORTABLY HONEST: Being honest under the VERY definition of honesty and NOT in the way people told you about honesty. Some people tried being uncomfortably honest and they all died poor and alone. Nobody visited their graves because people didn’t like being told that they’re ‘doing it wrong’. Or maybe people DID visit their graves just so they could yell to their headstones about how they’re wrong about them ‘doing it wrong’. Get it? No? me neither…)
There are superheroes in comicbooks who practise this concept. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were superheroes in real life? Flying around, saving lives at the cost of their own? I don’t think so, because then we’d be more spoiled and self-centered than we already are now. We’d just be chillin’ away, drinking juice, while watching superheroes flying around and doing our work for us. Sooner or later life would’ve lost its gist and we’d be better of dead.
All those things above? Been there done that. All of them and more. I’m one of you too. I’m just not afraid to show what I look like without my mask. (Oh WOW! Have I made things REEEALLY uncomfortable now, huh?)
I rest my case, your honor.
(The judge loudly stroke his mallet.) “BAILIFF! TAKE HIM AWAY! TAKE ALL HIS MONEY AND TURN ALL HIS FRIENDS AGAINST HIM, THAT IS IF THEY DIDN’T ALREADY DO THAT BY NOW! THEN KILL HIM! NO, WAIT… I’LL KILL THE FUCKER MYSELF!”
p.s. On the whole ‘masks’ thing? Yeah, that’s a whole other story, people. Get ready to be MORE uncomfortable in the future!
p.s.s. Of course, I wasn’t just trying to be an SOB. And to prove it, I propose a solution. But that’s another story too.
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